Watcher of Weasels:

Realism Unbound -- Inside the Iraq Study Group

James Baker: Ok, let's get down to business...

Harriet Miers: Before we begin, I just wanted to say what an honor it is to serve on this committee with you Reverend.

James Baker: Huh?  Oh...  you have me confused with that televangelist guy who got involved in all those scandals and went to prison.  Different guy.  He even spells his name different.  I was Secretary of State in the first Bush administration.

Harriet Miers: Oh, sorry...  the only Secretary of State that I'm really familiar with is Marshall.

James Baker: Really?  Which one?

Harriet Miers: ...

James Baker: Which Marshall?  There were two of them.

Harriet Miers: Warren?

James Baker: ...

Karl Rove: Can we move things along?

James Baker: Uh, yeah...  so, does anyone have any ideas on what we should do about this Iraq thing?

Kevin Federline: I'm cool with anything that doesn't involve me taking a shower.

Cindy Sheehan: I still don't understand what you are doing on this committee...  and what kind of Jew name is Federline anyway?

Kevin Federline: What?!  Why you be hatin' on me?  And who let your skanky ass in here anyway?  What the hell do you know about I-rak?

Cindy Sheehan: My son was forcibly abducted by Donald Rumsfeld and shipped off to Iraq against his will, where he was assassinated by the CIA and/or the Israeli Mossad, who of course framed innocent peace-loving Muslims for his death...  now I have absolute moral authority.

Kevin Federline: Oh...  my bad.

Karl Rove: Ahem.

James Baker: Look, can we get some ideas here people?

Karl Rove: Yes, please.

O.J. Simpson: I think we should tr--

James Baker: Zip it!  The only reason that you're here is to keep the Congressional Black Caucus happy.

O.J. Simpson: Huh?  I may not be the biggest expert on all this, but I have some ideas...

Michael Richards: Throw his ass out.  He's a nigger!  He's a nigger!  He's a nigger!  A nigger, look, there's a nigger!

O.J. Simpson: Say what?!

Michael Richards: Sorry...  I meant to say negro-American.

O.J. Simpson: ...

Michael Richards: I'm not a racist.

O.J. Simpson: You best hope I don't ever run into you in a dark alley.

Michael Richards: Macaca.

O.J. Simpson: I don't need this shit...  I'm outta here.

Kevin Federline: Dude, hold up!  I just got a text message...  I seriously need a place to crash -- mind if I use your couch?

O.J. Simpson: Yeah, whatever.

Paris Hilton: That's hot.  Can I come too?

O.J. Simpson: Maybe if you were white...  but I'm not really into orange chicks, sorry.

Paris Hilton: ...

James Baker: Can we please get back to the matter at hand here?  What should we do about Iraq?

Gollum/Smeagol: Leave now and never go back!  Leave now and never go back!  Throw the dirty, tricksey Jewses into the sea!  Put out their eyeses!  They mustn't have the Precious!

James Baker: Yeah...  fuck the Jews!  What have they ever done for us?

Gollum/Smeagol: They are false!  Wicked!  Tricksey!  False!

Karl Rove: My metrics show that most Republicans favor a strategic redeployment to Okinawa.

Beaker: Meep!  Meep, meep meep meep MEEP!

Karl Rove: I'm glad you agree.

James Baker: So, it's settled then...  leave Iraq, send those troops to Okinawa, and do whatever is possible to assist in the extermination of the Jews.

Karl Rove: Sounds like a plan to me.

Beaker: Meep!  Meep meep meep!  Meep?

Karl Rove: No, I don't think replacing Cheney with a clone is really necessary.  No one listens to him anymore anyway.